Spiritual Well-Being. Grief, Thanksgiving.

I will approach grief and thanksgiving from opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. If you still have anger or are holding a grudge against someone who passed away, I encourage you to try this thanksgiving exercise. If you want to celebrate the life of a loved one, thanksgiving may be an opportunity to rejoice in what the person meant to you. If you are holding anger against the person who died, it may be helpful to you to try and find some way to recognize any positive influences, gifts, or memories the person left behind. Building a positive list of memories may help diminish ongoing hate and anger. At first, your emotions, hatred, and anger may hold you back from finding positive things to say about someone you dislike. The exercise of finding positive memories may help diminish the block that hatred has created. Remember that the person may have truly hurt you, wronged you, and left you predominately scarred, but after they are dead, you hold all the cards to free your emotional memories and negative feelings. If you had a positive relationship with the person, this exercise would be rewarding and refreshing as you remember the beautiful things the person did for you or said. 

• Give thanks for their life. Why are you grateful for knowing this person? List all the things this person did to help you in life.
• Give thanks for their words. Are there any memories you have about favorite sayings or particular wisdom the person shared with you? Did the person have a unique way of phrasing things, a unique sense of humor, or a radiant smile?
• Give thanks for a cherished memento. Do you have a piece of jewelry as a keepsake? Perhaps you can display a photograph of the person in a prominent place in your home.
• Give thanks for a particular song or TV show. Media can often bring back good memories. Playing music or watching a program can bring back the good times you shared.
• Giving thanks for their influence. We all have influencers and people who encourage us in life. List how the person helped you in life and what they did to help you grow, make it through difficult situations, or better your life by knowing them.

 Don't press this thanksgiving exercise if you are still holding anger against the person. I encourage you to try and find one small thing to be thankful for this person. One small item may be the first step toward healing. If you do not hold any anger against this person, use this exercise to privately celebrate the life of the person you lost through death. Thanksgiving is a spiritual exercise where you find the gifts that God placed in the person's life for you to see.